I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Randomize
