I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My bed smells like the plague
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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