My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
