Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
