she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
