i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm passing your future prison.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
