Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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