wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
should my penis look like a turkey
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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