I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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