I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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