omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
