your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
