I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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