Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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