Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Randomize
