This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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