i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
