You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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