it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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