the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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