Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
