Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
