Porn is love you can see.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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