Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
