why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
