I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
