For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My liver just had a heart attack.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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