so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
