Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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