Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I could fuck to npr.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
