I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
