Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Someone signed my nipple.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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