The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
