my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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