it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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