so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
