So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
