I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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