A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
