i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
