adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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