living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
