i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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