3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
