I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
