Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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