You're like the curious george of whores
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
