Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
