Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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