This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
