return my video game
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
